Archive for the ‘Holidays’ Category

I already tweeted about this last week but today starts Lent and I haven’t posted in about two weeks. I’m adding something to my life this year rather than giving something up. I decided to specifically show gratitude or do something thoughtful for at least one person a day for the 40 days of Lent.

I have struggled with being grateful and happy which I’m sure you know. I struggle with this journey that I’m on and realizing that my time table is not other people’s time table or even Christ’s time table for me. I struggle with not reliving the past to much and playing the game of Why Me? I struggle with not comparing myself or being to hard on myself in general. I have to work really hard to keep Christ in my mind on a daily basis and not forget that I’m not alone. I NEVER WANT TO BE BITTER. Bitter makes you ugly inside and out and no one wants that to happen. I want to really move forward from the past with this process and not talk about it anymore except anecdotally and with fondness. Nothing more or less.

I’m trying to focus on the good, the positive and how Christ has saved me. He saved me by dying for me on the cross. He saved me three years a go when this journey started. He has given me strength to keep going and make the hard decisions. Things keep slowly but surely working out and I know its not necessarily because of me.

The Lent season has significance for me because I watched my Dad finally die during it and Ash Wednesday is my drug free anniversary. Lots of changes in this time seem to occur. Not sure why its like that or if it happens for others in that same way. On the positive I’ve now been drug free for three years and my alcoholic ways are behind me. I think this will be the last time I mention any of that on this blog as well. It took a lot to get here but I’m here.

I decided two nights a go I was going to get up yesterday and run 10 miles. My training for a half marathon is sporadic at best. But I ran those 10.5 miles very easily. I could have finished the rest of the half marathon if I wanted too. First, time I’ve run that distance in my life. I feel like running is changing me and for the better. Like I can see an even bigger picture than I could see before. Running is something I used to refuse to do years a go. I can’t was always the response. Now its I can and I’m actually fast when I want to be. I’m 33 and suddenly I’m an athlete of sorts.

I’m beyond grateful for this. I’m so grateful that I can run after last summer’s events and physical problems. I’m so grateful that its becoming easier. I’m grateful that my best thinking and planning comes when I’m running. I’m grateful that I’m achieving something that is personal and means something and that no one ever thought I would. I’m grateful that I can run 8:30 minute miles if I want too. That I can sprint at under an 8 minute mile pace. I’m grateful for what running has done for my mind.

I’m not some amazing runner nor do I want to enter races and place or whatever. I just want to be left alone on a treadmill with my headphones and my electronica music. Its the one time I want to be alone.

Running is something I’m personally grateful for. My first act of gratitude I actually did yesterday. My friend had asked me to make my macaroni and cheese for her family. I bought the ingredients and made it. Of course, there is enough for an army but who cares it fresh macaroni and cheese!

I’m not going to do 40 posts about gratitude. That would be weird. Just letting you know a little bit more about me and what I’m trying to work on during this significant time of year. AND how I’m really going to try to not speak about the past anymore. It’s done.