Warning: file_get_contents(http://webbiscuits.net/images/blan.gif) [function.file-get-contents]: failed to open stream: HTTP request failed! HTTP/1.1 404 Not Found in /home/thesouth/public_html/wp-content/themes/frontporchstudio/header.php on line 33
    Glitter: Get Listed
    Button Creator for free - make 80x15 and 88x31 in seconds
    Blogarama - The Blog Directory
    Personal Blogs - Blog Catalog Blog Directory

Archive for the ‘taking out the negative’ Category

Lent, Redemption and Paul Williams.

It’s that time of year when people give up Diet Coke for Jesus. Whatever floats your boat.

For me, Lent reminds me of giving unto others, the good that can come when you trust in the Lord and that everyone loves a good redemption story.

The other day me and B watched a documentary about the songwriter and actor Paul Williams. He was extremely famous and if you were a child of the 1970s (as B was) you knew exactly who Paul Williams was or is. Personally, I just like sappy songs from the back in the day. Give me a good B-side and some nostalgia and I’m good to go.

This is the trailer for the documentary.

Paul wrote all the songs. The famous ones that tug at your heart.

I cried when this song played. It reminded me of so many things that I don’t normally think about.

So, so famous. But I still don’t like Babs.

And then this one. Oh, Paul.

(Fun fact: this song was originally used in a bank commercial.)

The story of Paul is one you’ve heard before. He had everything. Money, fame, women and still wasn’t happy. Cocaine and booze didn’t work either. Paul has been sober for many years and is still out there entertaining fans.

The point of this post and tying it in to Lent is that I truly believe God forgives your sins. People ask me (because of my story) a lot about “when does it get better” and “when do you feel normal again.” It gets better when you forgive yourself. God is always on your side. God has already forgiven you. You have to let go and move on. You have to make the decision to take control of your life and move forward. You have to find the new path and the new life. You have to be okay with you.

Lent 2012 really brought this home to me. It really helped me move forward and be grateful for all the blessings that have been been given to me since I hit rock bottom on a Fat Tuesday night in 2009.

The last few scenes of the Paul Williams documentary make that point. Paul doesn’t look back. He keeps moving forward and is happier now than ever.

The documentary was very moving for me and B. It was so well made and really shows a profile of person you just don’t see every day.

Early 30′s Female Quandries that you have already heard

My friend came to pick me up yesterday to go the doctor because I am still in to much pain to drive. Very grateful for that. On the ride home she looks at me and says, “I can’t take it anymore. Every time I see a baby I flip out.”

I tried to turn my head, but had stay looking forward. “Why, R? You don’t actually flip out, right?”

“No, I don’t actually flip out. But I want a family. I want kids. I am tired of being single. How many more weddings do I have to to go to where I wonder why is she with him? How many more baby showers do I have to go too?”

My friend is the typical, pretty, successful, homeowner, Mercedes-driving 32 year old that has put her entire effort into her job and her church. She has dated A LOT of people. Had the opportunity to marry one or two of them. She definitely has a bit of a Cinderella complex. This situation is nothing new. I think what makes it worse for R is that she could give 27 Dresses a run for its money.

I said, “Well, if you want to get married you can get married. But think of it this way plenty of these people are not going to last. You saved yourself a starter marriage.”

She laughed.

I mean, no one wants a starter marriage. I certainly did not.

R has met my boyfriend. I told her what our other friend said about him when she saw him on the news.

“He looks and talks just like your Dad. It’s uncanny.”

Um, ok. That creeps me out.

But I have a response. My dad was a wonderful person and if I am lucky enough to marry a man who is similar to him the next time.
If I have daddy issues now so be it.

I repeated all of the to R and she laughed. R has a bit of a Christian complex. Lots of regrets about the past that she won’t let go of so now she dates 40 year old virgins who drink Shirley Temple’s. That is not healthy either.

“R, just get a guy with decent job, loves God and his mom, will have a few cocktails and is not a 40 year old virgin. That is NOT HARD TO FIND.”

True, Leslie. Very true.

It’s hard for me as well. As I watch all my friends have babies, I have had to take the view of these are my nieces. I get to buy them Tiffany banks and Madame Alexander dolls. And one day, when they are fully potty trained, I will be more than happy to babysit them. I just think you have to find a way to make these situations your own. They are not ideal, but I have bigger things to deal with like my hated job than worry about the fact that I don’t have the kids I want. Lord, what if I did have a kid and I was single. Yuck. Not for me. Total nightmare. And that is when I am reminded that things could be so much worse.

Patience is a virtue that R and myself have to pray for on a daily basis.

And for me being grateful for what I do have. Finding a way to ALWAYS AND CONTINUALLY move forward.

It’s so hard to not compare yourself and feel jealous of what others have. To not wonder, why is that not me, what have I done woring? Frustrating is the least of it. Seeing the facts and not being negatives.

My bff told me awhile back when I was crying to her about something (who knows what) “but Leslie, no matter what has happened you have always pushed forward and made the best of it.” It was nice to hear someone give me a bit of validation. I am grateful for her support.

And things change within the blink of an eye. My bff is married with a baby in under a year. All her dreams came true.

I said that to R. She said I know.

And then I hobbled into my condo building under my ridiculous Louis Vuitton umbrella.

Cursing – Turns Out I am NOT Perfect

I like to think of myself as a nice Southern Girl. I have all the qualities. Or at least that is what they tell me. Except for one thing…, the trucker/sailor/dirty mouth that I have had for years. I like to think to myself on many occasions “What would Jackie do?” She has always been my favorite. And between you and me, I HIGHLY doubt Jackie O. ever let loose the stream of expletives that comes out of my mouth on a minute to minute to basis. This is not your basic “D**n It.” This is as crass, dirty and foul as you can imagine.

Well, something over the weekend happened where this language was really to much. Yes, I was nervous. And it gets worse when I am nervous. But was it necessary? No.

So today I made a pact with my friend to stop cursing. She is seeing someone new who does not curse. He also has a child. And they are headed down engagement road. The cursing needs to go.

My work is not an excuse anymore. I need to clean up my act and my mouth and be the Lady I know most people think I am. Until they hear my mouth.

The mission is on. No more cursing.

And just to tell you how hard it is. It is worse than quitting caffeine.

This is just one of many negative things I am trying to rid my life off.

Wish me luck. :)