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Archive for the ‘people are dumb’ Category

TMI and Random Shit

I will save my latest life quandries for later and just talk about random shit.

1) My best friend had her baby yesterday. Very exciting. As long as I have known C, I have known her since 4th grade, she could not wait to have babies and now she has one.

2) I was at a lunch, mixer thing yesterday for work. After the speakers were done a man sitting at my table wanted to know about the watch I wear. I wear a vintage, Rolex submariner that was my dead father’s. Anyway, I tell the story to the table (its actually a long story because it includes rescuing said watch from ex-husband) and everyone has the appropriate responses except the man who asked in the first place. He says, “I always thought people who wore watches with large faces were trying to overcompensate for something.” Like its a car or something. He continues on this train of thought why my death stare is boring into him. I am shocked he did not burst into flames because that is what I was shooting at him. He finally looks at me and says, “so what are you trying to over compensating for?” Did he not just listen to my story? Was he staring at my boobs? I said, “It’s a MEMORY.” And turned around in my chair to look at twitterfeed so I did not leap across the table and punch him in the face.

3) I received a black, Goyard St. Louis as gift. I love it. It’s my pet. I’m obsessed.

4) I am also obsessed with Martyn from Million Dollar Decorators. Like, way obsessed. I just want him to call me and say “Lessssslaaayyyy, you are fahhhhntassstic. Let’s go get cocktails and botox together and have a fahhhbulous time.” Call me, Martyn. I’ll be straight girlfriend anyday.

5) Finally, today I had to go in for an ultra sound to try and figure out why I have constant pain. This pain ranges in dull to stabbing, bend over gasping for air pain. It’s just swell. I get to Northside Hospital where they tell me that to drink more water. This former club kid can hold A LOT of liquid in her bladder. It took forever to get my bladder all the way full. On the third try of having goo slathered on my stomach the tech could finally see what they needed to see. SIDE NOTE: I have a tilted uterus. And all I could think is “I really am like Charlotte.” Except with a foul mouth. Anyway, I am chatting away with the tech thru all this and she says its time for the OTHER KIND OF ULTRA SOUND. The kind where no one gets a happy ending but the ultrasound machine. I continue to chat thru this and the tech is laughing and says, “You are a mess.” And of course my respond “At least I am a hot mess.” All while getting a vaginal ultrasound.

And that was the last couple of days.