Archive for June, 2012
So tomorrow is Father’s Day. I’m not depressed. I’m not sad. In fact, I think a little after five years after my father’s death I think he would be pleased the way things are going. My sister is getting married this coming Friday to a wonderful guy that we all love and is a wonderful addition to the family. I even think, no know, Daddy would have really liked him. My sister and I have a really good relationship with my step-father. Even my mom’s parents love him and I think that says a lot since my grandfather was probably considered as close to a best friend as my Dad ever had. He is a good companion for my mother and makes her happy and that is all that matters. We have a good family dynamic in my opinion. And I’m not sure I could have said that a year or two ago.
I think its interesting how things change. How you think the pain will never subside. How you think that things will never be happy or smooth ever again. And then they are. I guess its true, this to shall pass. I’m no longer reduced to almost hysterics when I discuss my father. Instead, its more like wonderful, happy, or funny memories. Don’t get me wrong, if I’ve been drinking there will probably be tears which is a bit embarrassing considering my age. But I don’t feel like my world or my family is on the brink of ending any time soon like I used to.
I won’t get into much of my own stuff right now. However, I feel like in the last six months I have finally found peace with many things, like the fact I will probably never have children. Lent and the process I went through then was very profound for me. I finally found some, even a lot, of happiness that I never had before. I’ve said before I would probably already be dead if weren’t for God. This past Lent and in the time after I finally found some happiness and a sense of calm I never experienced in the past. To be honest, I’ve never been very satisfied or happy with anything. I know my Dad never knew it either. I KNOW he would be happy that I found a bit of peace with God’s help.
I will always miss my Dad. Shit, I’ve shed a tear or two typing this. But going forward we’re good. If I had a beer I would pour one out for you.
Love you forever Daddy.