Archive for July, 2011
I document a lot of my life on twitter. I am a bit obsessed with twitter. But I find that people think they really, really, really know you from those 140 characters. For instance, I might think I am only stating fact but another person might perceive it as very negative or being dramatic. I try to be very honest, probably more than I should be. I don’t feel that I hide anything. This is my choice completely, but every once in awhile I wonder why people specifically say that they only try to show the good and only be positive. I work very hard to be positive as well. Hello? I have a lot to deal with but it will all be overcome. POSITIVITY! I guess, to each their own. I won’t judge them as long as they don’t judge me.
That said, I have spent the whole month of July recovering from surgery. Surgery is a funny thing. There can be weird side effects that you can’t predict. I have some back problems (stemming from scoliosis) that give me problems off and on. These were exacerbated by the surgery. To the point that I could not walk without support or drive myself anywhere. No, I have not had a child but this was the worst pain I have ever been in. It was so bad I had to say, “Leslie, Move your arm. Move your arm. Plug in your phone. If it dies you won’t be able to call for help.” Needless to say I am back in therapy for my back and need to start Bikram again.
Next, I no longer work at the hated job. No, I don’t have another job. Do I care? I should more than I do. But I do know it is such a relief to not work there anymore. My boyfriend told my I have to at least get a part time job while I begin my next project and work on getting into side of business I actually want to be in. Fine. Fun employment it is.
The thing that I am so paranoid about writing about is grad school. I was accepted to the Professional MBA program at Georgia State University. This is something I have wanted for 10 years ever since I got out of undergrad. But there is an issue. My loans have not come thru. I am praying that they work out. One of the things I have always wanted and got and there is a chance it might slip thru my grasp. I start the 3 day orientation tomorrow. We will see what happens.
I am not down or depressed. I just want what I want at this point in my life. Its not a matter of the grass is greener or that I am Goldilocks. I believe that I have a will and I will find a way.
Weight Watchers is going well. For the most part. Lost 10 lbs. Not that I am fat, but 15-20 to go to get to goal size aka 2-4. It would go faster if I did not cheat with PBR and Mexican.
I will be glad to get back in the gym this coming week. I miss Exhale Spa and working out in general.
I flipped thru some of the fall clothes online. Woof! is all I have to say about that. But I am boring. I like all of 3 brands at this point.
And finally, the things that has kept me so entertained during July was all things English and Royal. I am totally and completely hooked. I check Daily Mail online at least 5 times a day. The Royal tour of Canada and LA was the whole reason I woke up from my percocet induced naps at the beginning of the month. There is nothing better than a Duchess story or picture.
I grew up with Diana though. I was a toddle and my mom got me up to watch that wedding back in 1981. And I was in Canada when she died. Love me some Royals. Sites like What Kate Wore make my day too.
Anyway, that’s a little bit about what has been going on with me.
My friend came to pick me up yesterday to go the doctor because I am still in to much pain to drive. Very grateful for that. On the ride home she looks at me and says, “I can’t take it anymore. Every time I see a baby I flip out.”
I tried to turn my head, but had stay looking forward. “Why, R? You don’t actually flip out, right?”
“No, I don’t actually flip out. But I want a family. I want kids. I am tired of being single. How many more weddings do I have to to go to where I wonder why is she with him? How many more baby showers do I have to go too?”
My friend is the typical, pretty, successful, homeowner, Mercedes-driving 32 year old that has put her entire effort into her job and her church. She has dated A LOT of people. Had the opportunity to marry one or two of them. She definitely has a bit of a Cinderella complex. This situation is nothing new. I think what makes it worse for R is that she could give 27 Dresses a run for its money.
I said, “Well, if you want to get married you can get married. But think of it this way plenty of these people are not going to last. You saved yourself a starter marriage.”
I mean, no one wants a starter marriage. I certainly did not.
R has met my boyfriend. I told her what our other friend said about him when she saw him on the news.
“He looks and talks just like your Dad. It’s uncanny.”
Um, ok. That creeps me out.
But I have a response. My dad was a wonderful person and if I am lucky enough to marry a man who is similar to him the next time.
If I have daddy issues now so be it.
I repeated all of the to R and she laughed. R has a bit of a Christian complex. Lots of regrets about the past that she won’t let go of so now she dates 40 year old virgins who drink Shirley Temple’s. That is not healthy either.
“R, just get a guy with decent job, loves God and his mom, will have a few cocktails and is not a 40 year old virgin. That is NOT HARD TO FIND.”
True, Leslie. Very true.
It’s hard for me as well. As I watch all my friends have babies, I have had to take the view of these are my nieces. I get to buy them Tiffany banks and Madame Alexander dolls. And one day, when they are fully potty trained, I will be more than happy to babysit them. I just think you have to find a way to make these situations your own. They are not ideal, but I have bigger things to deal with like my hated job than worry about the fact that I don’t have the kids I want. Lord, what if I did have a kid and I was single. Yuck. Not for me. Total nightmare. And that is when I am reminded that things could be so much worse.
Patience is a virtue that R and myself have to pray for on a daily basis.
And for me being grateful for what I do have. Finding a way to ALWAYS AND CONTINUALLY move forward.
It’s so hard to not compare yourself and feel jealous of what others have. To not wonder, why is that not me, what have I done woring? Frustrating is the least of it. Seeing the facts and not being negatives.
My bff told me awhile back when I was crying to her about something (who knows what) “but Leslie, no matter what has happened you have always pushed forward and made the best of it.” It was nice to hear someone give me a bit of validation. I am grateful for her support.
And things change within the blink of an eye. My bff is married with a baby in under a year. All her dreams came true.
I said that to R. She said I know.
And then I hobbled into my condo building under my ridiculous Louis Vuitton umbrella.