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Archive for June, 2011

TMI and Random Shit

I will save my latest life quandries for later and just talk about random shit.

1) My best friend had her baby yesterday. Very exciting. As long as I have known C, I have known her since 4th grade, she could not wait to have babies and now she has one.

2) I was at a lunch, mixer thing yesterday for work. After the speakers were done a man sitting at my table wanted to know about the watch I wear. I wear a vintage, Rolex submariner that was my dead father’s. Anyway, I tell the story to the table (its actually a long story because it includes rescuing said watch from ex-husband) and everyone has the appropriate responses except the man who asked in the first place. He says, “I always thought people who wore watches with large faces were trying to overcompensate for something.” Like its a car or something. He continues on this train of thought why my death stare is boring into him. I am shocked he did not burst into flames because that is what I was shooting at him. He finally looks at me and says, “so what are you trying to over compensating for?” Did he not just listen to my story? Was he staring at my boobs? I said, “It’s a MEMORY.” And turned around in my chair to look at twitterfeed so I did not leap across the table and punch him in the face.

3) I received a black, Goyard St. Louis as gift. I love it. It’s my pet. I’m obsessed.

4) I am also obsessed with Martyn from Million Dollar Decorators. Like, way obsessed. I just want him to call me and say “Lessssslaaayyyy, you are fahhhhntassstic. Let’s go get cocktails and botox together and have a fahhhbulous time.” Call me, Martyn. I’ll be straight girlfriend anyday.

5) Finally, today I had to go in for an ultra sound to try and figure out why I have constant pain. This pain ranges in dull to stabbing, bend over gasping for air pain. It’s just swell. I get to Northside Hospital where they tell me that to drink more water. This former club kid can hold A LOT of liquid in her bladder. It took forever to get my bladder all the way full. On the third try of having goo slathered on my stomach the tech could finally see what they needed to see. SIDE NOTE: I have a tilted uterus. And all I could think is “I really am like Charlotte.” Except with a foul mouth. Anyway, I am chatting away with the tech thru all this and she says its time for the OTHER KIND OF ULTRA SOUND. The kind where no one gets a happy ending but the ultrasound machine. I continue to chat thru this and the tech is laughing and says, “You are a mess.” And of course my respond “At least I am a hot mess.” All while getting a vaginal ultrasound.

And that was the last couple of days.

WEIGHT

I obsess about food, eating and how I look. I’ve been a lot heavier than I currently am. That was also quite a few years a go. I want to be thinner than I am. I want to be “smoother” not have some annoying pudge. Now before you start riffing and saying that I thin, healthy, normal, or maybe for some pudgy, hear me out. I am fully aware that I am in the healthy bracket of Weight Watchers. Completely understand that I am tall and am going to weight more than other people.

But I am not happy. My weight and fitness level seems to be something that I just cannot conquer. As I type this I am getting stressed out to the point of tears. I started Weight Watchers a couple of weeks a go and promptly lost the weight I had gained that week from eating out several nights in a row. Turns out my metabolism just does not effing work. I have had TWO cheat meals and promptly gained 5 lbs back. True, this included booze. But COME ON!!!! FIVE POUNDS!!!!! I can not seem to get below a certain rung on the weight ladder and it is driving me crazy.

So I am going to tell you my height, weight and where I want to be. What I think, hopefully, would make me happy.

And most of you have seen me on twitter doing OOTD’s. I wear a size 6 in DVF wrap dresses.

Height: 5’9
Weight: 160 lbs

I am mortified I weigh that amount. It doesn’t matter that is NORMAL. I don’t want to be normal. I want to be THIN.

And YES, I read to many magazines. And YES, I wish I looked like a brunette Gwyneth Paltrow. And YES, I realize that there are greater problems in the world. I DON’T CARE!!! I WANT TO WEIGH 140-145 and be physically fit. Not nasty skinny fat.

I have joined exhale spa here in Atlanta and those classes are helping me tone up. Would prefer to still be in Bikram but the school’s class schedule does not work with my ridiculous work schedule.

And trust me, I am not sitting around eating cookies in my car. I am eating fresh, healthy food. Not boxed mac n’ cheese.

Another frustrating thing is I feel bloated but have had no appetite for the last week and a half. Weird.

There, I have essentially bared my soul.

To Blog or Not to Blog

I have been thinking about trying to blog again. I only read a few blogs anymore. And the ones I do read I click thru on another blog’s blogroll. Lame, I know. Don’t even check my reader. My question is always “what am I going to say?” Should I be a food blogger, a fashion blogger, diary-esque, events focused, book reviews, the list goes on and on. What do I want to be when I grow up is the rhetorical question?

I hide behind twitter too. Not that is that private, but I feel like I can be relatively honest in 140 characters. I feel like if I start blogging then it will be a laundry list of complaints. But that’s not really true either. Because I don’t always complain. And I am working really hard to not be bitter about the past or even think about it. My original blog started as a preppy-ish, girl about town, restaurant reviews etc. There is another local blog that has pretty much taken over that space so I am not even going to try.

So I think I am just going to jump in to this again. I am just going to write what I want about whatever I want. If it is my life, feelings, diet, botox, hatred of the sun, clothes, whatever.

Bleh, I am already having doubts. Must press on.