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Archive for November, 2010

Changes in my family. It just keeps coming.

I think my mother is going to get remarried. I want her to be happy. She deserves it. No one needs to spend the rest of their life alone. After all she is only 55 years old. She could live another 30 years if not more. Might as well get laid.

My mother is special though. She was only with one person in her entire life. My father. They were together from 15 and 17 respectively. Till the day he died. When he died she thought about suicide. She was not sure she could go on. Almost 2 years to the day of his death she was diagnosed with a tumor that filled most of her abdomen. A neuroendocrine tumor. This usually means “you have cancer” and “you are going to die.” But after 10 hours of surgery, 10 days in the hospital and 2 samples sent to the Mayo Clinic the 12+ pound tumor was ruled benign. She felt that there was a reason for her to go on. So my pretty, little, petite Mom decided to get on with life.

It went like this. My sister signed her up for eHarmony. Mom went on some dates and corresponded with some people. Only one seemed to take. It seems he is in love with her. She says she cares a lot for him. I feel that there is more to it. I feel that she probably loves him too. They are in Indiana now meeting his family. On Thursday she is taking him to North Carolina to meet her parents. Her father was my father’s best friend. The guy is coming to Thanksgiving. I have never met him. My sister has. I have no feeling about him except that I am glad he has a good job. I trust my mother’s judgement.

Here are my feelings. And I don’t want you to think I am being selfish or don’t want my mother to be happy because that is not it at all. I feel like my family is breaking apart and I am completely alone. That is a bit dramatic. It was drilled into my head since childhood that it was the 4 of us and we were all that mattered. Always protect the family. Always pick up the phone and return phone calls. Anything that you do effects the rest of us.

I spent years working with my Mom. Trying to keep it all together. Make sure we stayed together and helped take care of everything when Daddy died. She doesn’t pick up the phone or return text messages. She is totally MIA. She veered from the plan. And that is her prerogative. I just have not bought into it yet.

It was pointed out to me recently that I rely to much on my Mom. In some regards I agree. But as you can see from above it does come from somewhere. My response was to get defensive and spew out “I’ve done x, y and z. No one else my age can say that. I am not a child! I have taken care of a home and run a company!” But you look to your mother for all of your validation was the retort. You need to grow up and realize you are on your own. This all hard to take for someone who prides oneself on taking on challenges and meeting all goals. And realizing I really am alone. That it is not the same anymore. That she, my Mom, has moved on.

I guess my current lesson is that my family is my family and I love them. But it is just not the same. That we are not the unit we were in the past. I probably need to get a bit of therapy and deal with my sense of loss and abandonment I feel from my Father’s death and my subsequent divorce. And now these latest changes. I am sure I just need some times to get used to it. I mean who else will plan the wedding. ;)