October 4, 2007
Manners - Is anything off limits anymore
When I was growing up my father taught me to never talk about religion, politics or money. It only makes people upset and cause strife. Over the years I have been asked how much money I make, point blank. Been preached to from every religion in the world. Just because I don’t sit in the same pew as you does not mean I don’t believe in God. And been condescendingly talked down to because of a politic belief or action I let slip.
Here in Atlanta, as with most of the country, there are many types of people and many different beliefs. Nothing wrong with that. Now I am married to someone who works in the scientific community. He has friends who are in the scientific community. They are fond of debating and talking about topics that I find inappropriate. Nothing is off limits. But does it matter what I think? Shouldn’t they talk about whatever they want it is a free country? But the point of this site “SOCIAL” and this is a social question.
Here is an example. My husband’s old boss/advisor liked to come over to our condo because he liked to drink our booze, get away from his family and talk science with Ed. But many times I would be home and he would try and pull me into the conversation knowing these were topics that I had repeatedly told people we don’t talk about in our house. Obviously, he would get away with it because Ed did not want to tell his boss to “Shut the F**K Up”. I don’t take kindly to that so I would cut him off as much as I could with out getting to angry. My favorite time was when he thought he could ask me inappropriate questions about our company and how we run it. These aren’t passing questions. These are in depth, TMI. Ugh! What is your problem?
Here is another example. We have a friend whose political beliefs are the exact opposite of mine. But he never knew that. One night, he had been out with us and then came over afterwards. He went on this long diatribe about something political. I said that it was not a subject I was going to discuss with him. He wanted to know why. I explained the no politics thing. That set him off. In my face, wanting to know how I could think those things. I am a girl who can take care of myself and I am not going to take such obnoxiousness in my house. I said it was none of his business and needed to leave my house because I was not going to put up with such rudeness in my house. He was still in my face (is politics that important?). I told Ed to kick him out and he did. He apologized later and we are still friends with him. But this was not the first time that had happened.
You want another? I had someone come over the day after my Dad died to tell me how great it was he had found Jesus and it all happened for a reason. Seriously? The day after? No I don’t want to go to your church.
I could go on and on. The science people say they should discuss everything because that is how new ideas are generated. But in my experience, they just want to hear their own and not others.
I try to be positive, help people out every chance I get, volunteer, and keep my sailor’s mouth closed most of the time. I try not to push my beliefs on people and don’t want yours pushed on me. I just feel that these kinds of instances are an invasion of space and privacy.
Is my skin to thin? Is everything up for discussion anymore? Am I behind the times?
I reserve touchy topics for one-on-one conversations with close friends and family ONLY, and if it gets too heated or uncomfortable, the topic is always changed whenever someone requests it to be. In public or with just anyone, NO. It’s a display of poor manners and is COMPLETELY obnoxious! I’m with you on this one.
I think your skin’s thickness is just fine! I don’t think I would’ve handled those situations as gracefully as you did
As for the touchy stuff: I only engage in conversations like that if I’m approached in a civil way and someone asks me, and even then it depends on the situation. Usually when someone airs a controversial opinion in mixed-opinion company, I usually bite my tongue and just don’t participate at all. And I’ve long since stopped hanging around proselytize-y people (phew, won’t go into that). That’s also why I don’t bring up politics, religion or how much I’m worth on my blog. There’s a time and place for that stuff after all!
I couldn’t agree with you more. Somehow, people’s filters have dissolved over the last several years and out of selfishness, they think it is appropriate to talk about anything & everything. NO! It’s not!
Someone actually asked you how much money you make????!!!!
That is beyond tacky and no, you are not being thin skinned!
Once you express your “no politics, religion, or money” policy to others they should respect it. Otherwise, they are being controlling, disrespectful and just plain rude (especially as a guest in your home).
I agree that those are touchy topics that can cause strife. But, honestly, when you are hiding your beliefs from friends, then that is a bit odd. Real friends will accept you regardless of what you believe. Sure, some many want to debate, but all of that makes you and your friends interesting and unique individuals. so what’s to hide?
IMO, I think when people are too closeted in their beliefs they are hiding some feelings that they know are taboo or socially not acceptable.
Dave Chappelle told an excellent joke about this very subject in his stand-up special “Killin Them Softly”.
My general rule is to keep politics and religion out of the bar because they mix violently with alcohol and ego.
Unfortunately I have a really hard time keeping my mouth shut, but when I have to say my word I’m never looking for a debate, just to make my point. If it comes to debate I make sure that whatever I said I can back up. An example: I saw an artist friend of mine wearing a Cheguevarra t-shirt. I told him that I was disappointed in him for wearing it. He asked why and I responded that Cheguevarra was a dictator that murdered artists, homosexuals, and many other groups of people. His defense was poor and I won’t go into it because we would then be talking politics.
My point was there are some times when we must speak our mind when we believe there is right and wrong at issue.